Full of Contradictions

A white canvas with bright yellow paint covering the bottom half.

By Yamila García

All humans are full of contradictions, yet those of neurodivergents seem to be questioned. However, all these contradictions are perfectly fine. We don’t need to justify them; they are an integral part of our humanity. Trying to understand them is also not necessary, but sometimes it can help us better deal with them. Contradictions arise from many factors, one of which is the interplay between our essential nature and the experiences and adaptations we undergo throughout our lives. Nobody is 100% logical. We are humans, not robots. Therefore, we’ll always have clashing views and feelings.

I have many contradictions myself. For example, noise makes me sick; it distracts me and generates discomfort. However, I grew up in a big city, and today, being far from it, noise is also comforting in some way, reminding me of “home.” Brightness usually hurts me. Going out in the morning and seeing sunlight is painful because of my sensitivity to light. However, I find it comforting to feel that warmth on my skin. Like many neurodivergents, I also have soothing behaviors; I rub certain types of fabrics, which helps me focus and calm down. But sometimes, I do it so much that my hands hurt, and I get cramps. Being around many people makes me anxious, but at the same time, if I don’t see people, I feel isolated. As you can see, even in simple things, we can identify contradictions, but it’s important to know that we don’t have to be any other way. These contradictions are acceptable, and there doesn’t need to be a logical explanation for them.

Many times, when we ask for accommodations, people may say, ‘If you can do this, how come you can’t do that?’ For many, those two things being compared may seem the same. But for neurodivergents, the scenarios and the environment in which we have to function have a significant impact on what we can do and how we can do it, for various reasons. And yes, we also have our contradictions, just like everyone else. People often look for a ‘logical’ explanation for how we perceive the world and operate. However, it’s paradoxical to ask someone with a different view and logic to explain their perspective, knowing that it differs from ours. But also, it’s important to understand that such logic is not always necessary.