By Aaron Picking

“Must be nice.”  These are the three magic words I hear the most when explaining on exam day why I wasn’t there.  As a matter of fact, it is not nice at all.  The Center for Students with Disabilities (CSD) isn’t a spa.  We don’t get handed a cup of our favorite coffee as we are personally escorted to the VIP section of the test taking area where soft Mozart is playing, and the scent of lavender soothes the mind.  However, it is Shangri-la to those of us who are affected by the noise of fifty others shuffling through papers during an exam.  There are also the gracious instructors who like to talk during the exams with corrections.  My name is Aaron, and I’m on the autism spectrum.  While it may seem like having the CSD is just common-sense accommodations in a university, or any educational setting, it is much more to that for people like me.  I’m thriving at a superficial level in my major because of the CSD.  It’s actually impressive considering the situation.

Let me take you through the journey of a typical exam preparation.  I’m in class two weeks before exam day, and I’m answering questions, and talking to my peers about solutions to homework.  And, then, out of nowhere what happens is a complete system crash.  Now, this doesn’t happen every time.  It’s random.  Perhaps it’s the position of the moon, or mercury in the sky.  All of the lecture videos might as well be in Farsi.  I take notes, go over homework and quizzes, and also can’t remember even writing them.  For somebody like me with goals of going to graduate school, one test is a big deal.  Being on the autism spectrum, when we have a path, that train is at full speed.  This is now an existential crisis.  There is an Avengers film, Infinity War, where Bruce Banner cannot get the Hulk to take over.  Even in the direst of situations, the Hulk emphatically tells him no.  You can see it unfold here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIHYIiqa5jI .

The CSD allows me to deal with my experience in a healthy way.  I know what I am getting into when I go in there.  There is no backup.  There is no crying.  There is only peace and quiet.  I have sat in that room for an hour and a half without a single answer to a question put to paper.  It’s as if my mind has to feel sorry for me, like a bully on the playground, before allowing me to unlock the information.  There are even times when I think of an answer, only to have my hand write down something else.  Then, in that final half hour, the photographic memory comes out of nowhere, uncontrolled, and unbridled, forcing me to copy everything I see down before it’s gone.  Here’s the thing; I’ve participated in an REU in neuroscience, and will be participating in another REU for chemical engineering.  I’ve been able to keep my GPA high enough to keep my goals of graduate school realistic.  With the struggles that I remember taking exams, I can say with certainty that I would absolutely not be where I am without the CSD accommodations.  Imagine what the world would miss out on if students were not able to succeed on their own terms.  So, yes, in a way… it’s pretty nice.

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By Yamila García

The first time I visited Storrs was before starting the Fall semester in 2021. I arrived on Storrs Road, turned onto Horsebarn Hill Road, and parked in my assigned area. There is another sector that I am also allowed to use but I haven’t used it yet. Since day one, I have always taken the same route. I sit in the same places in my classes, eat the same food from the same place, drink the same coffee, read and study in the same building and at the same table. I do it that way not because I love it, but because it gives me a structure and that makes me feel safe. I don’t know what I need to be safe from, I just need that structure so when I have to deal with unexpected situations it doesn’t feel that bad. I guess if I have the rest under control, I can deal better with the “unexpected thing” that is happening. I don’t like to improvise, I always need to have a plan, a map, a way of doing things. If I don’t have that structure everything feels chaotic. Yet, I will be creating a map of that chaos…

It seems that this need for structure leads me to look for it anywhere. Predictably, I have always looked for patterns in everything. If I read something for the first time, before trying to understand what it says, I try to understand the structure of the text. If I am learning a new math topic, first I see exercises that have already been done and that is enough for me to understand the logic of the new topics. If I listen to music, I always separate in my mind the different sections that the song has. I try to find repetitions, connections, and logic in everything that comes my way. Finding patterns guides me through new things and helps me adapt more easily. It has also helped me understand how people communicate. In my native language, I didn’t communicate very well or understand slang when I was a teenager, but that ability to recognize patterns helped me learn how people communicate and be able to imitate them. This definitely helped me and I can say that the process was a success. Today no one would believe that I ever had a hard time communicating.

Doing things repetitively, obsessing over patterns, and looking for structure in everything are simply a way of adapting to the environment around us. That is my way, it is what works for me, it is similar to that of some people and very different from that of others. There are people who don’t stop talking because silence is uncomfortable for them, people looking to make friends with everyone because loneliness makes them uncomfortable, people filling their days with activities because they don’t want to feel useless or because being at home is not a good plan for them. But everyone has a way of coping with what is uncomfortable or difficult for them, even if they haven’t been paying attention and think they don’t do those things. We all deal with something and we have different ways of dealing with it. Just because our ways don’t look alike doesn’t mean we can’t understand each other.

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By Yamila Garcia

Last Saturday was World Autism Day. I wanted to write about it but I didn’t really know what is it about, so I started reading about it and I found out many things are going on this day. There are talks, walks, people wearing something blue, and posters with pictures of puzzles everywhere. They talk about promoting inclusion, raising awareness, recognizing abilities, and not stigmatizing. It all sounds interesting, but I wonder who participates in these activities? I found that most of the participants are family and friends of people on the spectrum. Precisely, I do not believe that these people are the main target of the awareness activities. I think this is why so many people still don’t know what ASD is all about. Since I was diagnosed I have asked myself many times whether or not I should share it with others. I had very mixed reactions to sharing it with a few people. Some reacted with concern, fear, and rejection. Others with acceptance and ease that comes from knowing another person on the spectrum or being on the spectrum themselves. I wish we could sensitize the first group, which has nothing to do with the spectrum but probably will come across more people like me and will continue without knowing what it is, and therefore, how to act or work with us.

It is known that we fear what we do not know. So, what can we do so that what we are is not unknown to others? Well, I guess we can share, occupy spaces, get closer and invite them to get to know us as we are. I think an amazing way to do this is the Human Library. If you haven’t heard of this project before, its goal is “to promote inclusion and diversity by challenging stereotypes and discrimination.” The “books” are people who have experienced some kind of discrimination and who lend their time to talk about their experiences. The idea of not judging a book by its cover takes a deeper meaning when getting to know people and stories you wouldn’t know otherwise. How much easier it would be to understand others if we were encouraged to get to know them and not expect uniform behaviors and thoughts. Getting to know people who are different not only opens the doors to others so that they can show you who they are, but it will also leave you learning. After all, who learns by surrounding themselves with people who do and think the same as themselves? I invite you to approach whoever you think is most different from you and see what happens. I am sure that you will be surprised to realize that some of those “differences” that you saw on the cover are not differences and how enriching the exchange is.

https://humanlibrary.org/

 

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By Yamila Garcia

I do not believe that our stories are already written, but I do believe that we come into the world with a series of gifts and abilities that deserve to be taken advantage of. Then, you choose whether you use them or not. In my life I have had both experiences – doing what I “should” do, and doing what I want to do. Of course, the results (and processes) have been very different. I know that we don’t always have the opportunity to choose, or sometimes that’s what we think. At school I find myself surrounded by younger people, mostly. When I hear them talking and debating what is “the best career,” considering job opportunities, future income, growth possibilities, etc., I want to tell them that the best career is one where you can be happy! It never matters what you do, but how you do it. I wish someone had told me this sooner.

When I was studying accounting in Argentina I tried very hard, but it was never enough. I feel like it’s comparable to asking a fish to climb a tree. That was not my natural environment, my skills were useless there. I could always pass the class, I could do a decent job, but no matter how hard I worked, I was never really proud of my work or happy to finish. I just felt relieved to get the classes out of my way and not have to study them anymore. There was no pride in what I was doing, just the mistaken certainty of doing what I considered “safe” and responsible at that moment. I wish I had known that the best path was the one that would allow me to use my skills to overcome obstacles. I also wish I had known that happiness does not depend just on effort, but on being on the right path.

While studying at UConn, I work, take care of my house, and drive the equivalent of a part-time job to get to school. I sleep very little, I’m always tired, I complete homework at the last minute, and I study what I can because I don’t get to study everything. Still, I was never happier in my life and I never felt like I was doing as well as I am now. Every morning I wake up exhausted, but I smile because just doing what I’m doing gives me pride and happiness. The only way to do something in the best possible way for you is for that “something” to be part of your own path. This is the path of what you are passionate about, what makes you curious, what gives you the strength to face whatever comes your way, and where you can use your skills. Following one’s vocation is the most important thing to be happy and to be able to take full advantage of your abilities. Nothing can go wrong this way. Or well, yes, many things can go wrong but if you are on the right path, you will have enough motivation to face and overcome anything.

 

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By Yamila Garcia

The Cambridge Dictionary defines creativity as “the ability to produce original and unusual ideas, or to make something new or imaginative.” Usually, creativity is linked to art and of course that makes sense. When you create any piece of art you want it to be innovative, original, and meaningful. However, isn’t innovation also pursued in many fields in addition to art? What would engineering be without creativity? It couldn’t even exist without innovations coming from creativity. Any discipline without creativity is just something flat, without progress or evolution. Even when solutions have already been found for certain problems, we can continue to find new ways to solve them. In some cases, we can find even more effective ways to solve them. Undoubtedly, creativity is the engine of the world.

So, why do we continue to learn in such static ways? I have had many academic experiences throughout my life and all of them were very traditional. Creativity and curiosity were not welcome in any of them. I have wondered why many times, but I can’t seem to come up with an answer for that nonsense. How absurd is it that creativity is the basis of our professions but in the academic field it is dismissed and even discouraged? Everything that is taught in the classroom comes from ideas that were once new and original. At some point, someone had a new idea and was able to share it with the world. So why can’t we be a little freer in the classroom?

From my own experience – and the experience of all the neurodivergent people I have met so far – when it is said that we cannot do something, that only means that we cannot do it in the traditional way. Many of us are very creative but, as I said before, that is not allowed in many areas. We can do everything and we can contribute greatly from our creative thought process if only we had the possibility to do so. Of course, this should include everyone, not just neurodivergent people. If we’ve come this far without encouraging creativity in the classroom, imagine how much more we could do if we were all allowed to explore whatever our curiosity prompted.

(Definition of creativity from the Cambridge Academic Content Dictionary © Cambridge University Press)

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By Yamila Garcia

Routine is a safe place for many of us. Being able to have a routine is complicated but it is much more difficult to get out of it. That is why, despite being extremely tired after two intense months, the spring break is somehow destabilizing for me. I really appreciate the time to rest, but I still feel the lack of direction caused by breaking my routine. Of course, it is not the first time I am experiencing this, and I do know how to deal with it. I know this happens to me all the time, I also know that when I start getting used to the break, classes start again. Of course, that is uncomfortable, but I know I will overcome that too. And knowing lessens the burden. Being able to look back and understand that what is happening now is just “something else” to deal with, gives me the confidence to deal with anything that comes my way.

Discomfort is a common thing for me. I feel it almost all the time but at some point, I stopped perceiving it as something negative and started thinking of it as a motivation. Something that tells me I am going in the right direction and that after doing it, I will feel proud of myself. Discomfort tells me I am facing a challenge and that prepares me to accept awkward feelings. Not fighting those feelings is the main step to being able to take them and mold them the way I need. Definitely, I did not know all this when I was younger. It took me many years to learn how to handle those situations and to stop fighting my own feelings. The discomfort feels the same, but it does not stop me from doing anything because I know what I am feeling isn’t wrong and it will eventually stop.

During this spring break, I was able to reflect more on these issues. I keep learning about myself, I think that never stops, but I am also surprised to think that without knowing what it was about, I found many solutions to the difficulties I faced. I guess we do not need labels to find solutions. Just as we shouldn’t need labels to make education accessible and diverse for all kinds of learners. At school, there are professors that make the whole process easier. It is as if, without knowing it, they help us to fight the battle that we are fighting alone within ourselves. Those professors are the ones who, when I return to campus on Monday, will help carry the weight of a new adaptation. Monday will be another awkward beginning, but like all the previous ones, one that I will be able to overcome.

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By Yamila Garcia

My name is Yamila, and I am an Argentinian adult going for a second degree –  one that I have dreamed of my whole life. I came to live in the US three years ago and started taking English classes in a community college. When it was time to choose a major, I did not even have to think about it. It would be computer science. I worked in finance before coming here, but I was always taking short programming courses as a hobby. That is what I had always wanted to do.

Since I was a little girl, I have been obsessed with numbers and logic. I was totally in love with math but deeply despised formulas because I did not want anyone to tell me how to solve something without explaining where that formula came from and how it works. I love making calculations in my mind, pushing myself to remember and repeat very long numbers, finding patterns or relationships between random things, deducing and reasoning about anything. I know that may sound boring, but numbers made everything easier for me. I could play with them in my mind without the need to interact with other people, which was such a relief, being extremely shy.

I have experienced anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was a teenager, I could not even put words together when I was in front of unknown people. I always felt I was different, but I was not about to let that stop me. The social exposure made me extremely anxious, which is why I signed up for as many extracurricular activities at my school as I could. I participated in a missionary group, research groups of any subject, choir, and sports. I hated it, and countless times I asked myself what I was doing there, but it was the best decision I could have ever made. At the end of high school, I was coordinating the missionary group and was able to give a speech in front of the entire school. Despite having plenty of experience, it never got easier; I kept doing so many awkward things.

Changes were never easy for me, but moving to the US was the biggest challenge I ever had to face. That brought me back a lot of things that I thought I had already overcome. I hated the social exposure, the changes, everything being new, and the lack of routine.  My sensory tolerance reached its limit. I asked for help and got tested. That test resulted in a diagnosis of autism. It confirmed to me, at the age of 30, that I am neurodivergent. Everything made sense from that moment on.

As I continue to learn about myself and what my diagnosis entails, it is my intention to contribute to this blog with the sole objective of sharing the academic path from the perspective of a neurodivergent person. Communicating can be one of the greatest challenges for neurodivergent people, and at the same time the greatest tool for inclusion to be possible. The richness of diversity can only be harnessed if we all can express to others who we are, how we think and what we feel.

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