By Yamila García

In this process of learning some things and unlearning others, I think a lot about how much I have changed over time. These changes may be seen as positive from a neurotypical perspective, but for me, they do not represent justice or self-love. I want to continue to reconnect with myself, and that is why I analyze my changes. I have realized that over the years, I have learned to “smile more.” I smile when I am uncomfortable, I smile when I am overwhelmed, I smile when I perceive that others are uncomfortable. Why do I do it? I think it is so as not to make others uncomfortable… And a little also so as not to make myself uncomfortable, because, at the end of the day, that is what society expects. Whenever you smile, they will be nicer to you, they will be more predisposed, and they will not make you feel like you are a stone in the road bothering whoever wants to pass by. The problem is, whether I smile or not, I am not that… Intolerance to what is different is not my fault, nor is it my responsibility to resolve it. From childhood, we learn that those who are different make people uncomfortable, and society is not a very good host to those who are different. 

I don’t want to lose myself; I don’t want to lose who I am. I analyze myself, I question myself, and ask if the person I am today is who I really am or what society allowed me to be. I do it because I understand that it is not bad to be who I am, because I grew up and adapted to survive many things that I did not understand, but today, as an adult, I want to take care of the girl that I was. I feel that I lost a lot of my authenticity along the way. That is why now I want to live doing justice to who I am, give myself the freedom to be who I was supposed to be, and free myself from the limitations that living in a world that was not designed for me imposed on me. It is not easy work, but I feel that it is the best project in which I can put my energy and that I owe it to myself. 

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