By Aaron Picking
“Must be nice.” These are the three magic words I hear the most when explaining on exam day why I wasn’t there. As a matter of fact, it is not nice at all. The Center for Students with Disabilities (CSD) isn’t a spa. We don’t get handed a cup of our favorite coffee as we are personally escorted to the VIP section of the test taking area where soft Mozart is playing, and the scent of lavender soothes the mind. However, it is Shangri-la to those of us who are affected by the noise of fifty others shuffling through papers during an exam. There are also the gracious instructors who like to talk during the exams with corrections. My name is Aaron, and I’m on the autism spectrum. While it may seem like having the CSD is just common-sense accommodations in a university, or any educational setting, it is much more to that for people like me. I’m thriving at a superficial level in my major because of the CSD. It’s actually impressive considering the situation.
Let me take you through the journey of a typical exam preparation. I’m in class two weeks before exam day, and I’m answering questions, and talking to my peers about solutions to homework. And, then, out of nowhere what happens is a complete system crash. Now, this doesn’t happen every time. It’s random. Perhaps it’s the position of the moon, or mercury in the sky. All of the lecture videos might as well be in Farsi. I take notes, go over homework and quizzes, and also can’t remember even writing them. For somebody like me with goals of going to graduate school, one test is a big deal. Being on the autism spectrum, when we have a path, that train is at full speed. This is now an existential crisis. There is an Avengers film, Infinity War, where Bruce Banner cannot get the Hulk to take over. Even in the direst of situations, the Hulk emphatically tells him no. You can see it unfold here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIHYIiqa5jI .
The CSD allows me to deal with my experience in a healthy way. I know what I am getting into when I go in there. There is no backup. There is no crying. There is only peace and quiet. I have sat in that room for an hour and a half without a single answer to a question put to paper. It’s as if my mind has to feel sorry for me, like a bully on the playground, before allowing me to unlock the information. There are even times when I think of an answer, only to have my hand write down something else. Then, in that final half hour, the photographic memory comes out of nowhere, uncontrolled, and unbridled, forcing me to copy everything I see down before it’s gone. Here’s the thing; I’ve participated in an REU in neuroscience, and will be participating in another REU for chemical engineering. I’ve been able to keep my GPA high enough to keep my goals of graduate school realistic. With the struggles that I remember taking exams, I can say with certainty that I would absolutely not be where I am without the CSD accommodations. Imagine what the world would miss out on if students were not able to succeed on their own terms. So, yes, in a way… it’s pretty nice.