By Yamila García
Many times, people have thought I was rude because of the direct way I say certain things. On the one hand, I do feel that things shouldn’t have to be embellished to be said as they are. But on the other hand, I understand that I live in a society that works this way, so I try to present my opinions or ideas in a more subtle way. But I usually fail. Maybe I’m too subtle, or maybe I overthink it; I don’t know. I’ve tried many times. My first instinct is always to communicate like others do, so as to not be perceived as rude. However, there’s something I clearly fail at, and yet I still don’t understand what it is. I feel like I start off being too subtle, and when I get tired of explaining things gently, I end up being too direct, which others find rude. It’s never my intention to be rude; I just want to be clear, for the person in front of me to understand. How is it that people always speak this way, disguising their ideas, yet they understand each other? What am I doing wrong? I always wonder. I pay attention to how others do it, and that’s usually how I’ve learned most of the things that don’t come naturally to me. But in this case, I just can’t figure out what I’m missing.
I also don’t understand why people get offended when you’re direct and honest. I’m not talking about telling someone “your hair looks bad” or “you’re dressed badly today.” I understand that can hurt their feelings, and besides, those things are subjective. I’m referring to a situation like turning down an invitation by saying something like, “I’m not going because I don’t feel like it. I’ve been busy all week, and I’d rather be alone on Saturday.” I’m not saying, “I don’t like you and don’t want to spend time with you.” I’m just turning down an invitation because of how I feel, not because of them. In this sense, I can understand why people try to soften their messages to avoid offending others, since people tend to take things personally. However, I don’t know how to find a balance between subtlety and clarity. This is why I have confused many people and offended others, but it has never been my intention to do either. It’s simply how I am, and I tend to communicate differently than most.