By Yamila García

There is something I feel that seems to be the cause of my constant overstimulation: I am overly aware and perceptive of my surroundings. I don’t know if this can be measured in any way, but I can tell because, just as I notice everything around me, I also notice that other people usually don’t. So, what may just be entering a new place for some people, for me is the smell of that place, the buzzing of electricity, the different sound of my shoes on this unfamiliar floor, the way the light fixture is arranged and how it creates strange shadows… None of that is made up or imagined. It truly exists, but only I perceive it. Only me, and maybe another neurodivergent person who’s there at the time. And, of course, I would notice they’re different like me. 

This excess awareness of my surroundings is overwhelming, but also interesting. It makes me suffer because it overstimulates me, yet it also lets me see the world in a deeper and more connected way. Like many aspects of my brain, it carries that duality, both a blessing and a burden. It’s the source of my strengths, but using them drains me.  

Changing this part of me would mean losing a big part of who I am. I don’t want that. I’ve never even questioned it. However, I would like to regulate it a bit. Being able to “turn down the volume” on what I don’t need to perceive at the moment could prevent my energy levels from dropping as fast as they usually do. Being so aware of my surroundings makes me feel not only exhausted but also isolated and disconnected from others. It’s like going to the cinema, but watching a different movie than everyone else. You live in the same space, but you experience different things. 

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