By Yamila García
One of the biggest difficulties I go through every day as a neurodivergent person is explaining to others how I perceive and experience the world around me. On the one hand, I usually have very clear and organized ideas in my mind, but when I try to communicate them, they become a mess of confusing thoughts that are not at all clear to the listener. There is a disconnect between what I think and how I manage to communicate it, and the only way to “fix” this is with pre-made sentences based on what I have learned from listening to others in situations where they want to express something that seems similar to what I’m feeling. Yes, it is not my natural way of communicating, but it is the way that others understand and that ensures I am not misunderstood or misinterpreted. The problem with this is that often the way others express things lacks the intensity with which I feel or experience life. Their experiences are usually quite far from mine, which makes my explanation seem reduced to something much less significant than it really is.
On the other hand, I think it is also extremely challenging to explain things to others when they differ so much from their own experiences. Naturally, this makes it very difficult for them to understand. Just as I think it would be difficult for a neurotypical person to explain to me how they manage to speak in front of five people without getting anxious, getting stuck, or saying things they don’t want to say. It probably comes naturally to them, and they don’t think about it as much. At the same time, any explanation they give me is going to be hard for me to fully grasp. I can understand that I don’t understand because of how big our differences are, but truly understanding what the other feels is a great challenge when we live with such different ways of processing, thinking, and perceiving.
I know that others’ understanding of me does not depend 100% on my ability to explain, and maybe that is what frustrates me the most, because many times I have felt that I would give anything for others to really understand what I feel.