By Yamila García

Before coming to the US, I tried to do several things in many stages of my life and none of them worked out. I was frustrated but somehow accepted that my life was going to be like that. I never stopped trying though. However, when I came here, things changed. I had some tough moments, of course. But everything I was trying turned out well, and that made me scared. I was too used to dealing with adversity but never learned to deal with any kind of success. The fact that everything I was doing was going well scared me a lot, not because I was afraid that things would “go back to normal,” but because I just didn’t know how to go through it or even enjoy it.

I have wondered so many times why this happened and if the place had something to do with it. It was even funny to see how things never worked out for me. I contemplated several possible reasons, including being in survival mode or simply having fewer distractions. However, time went by and most of those options stopped making sense in my current reality. So, it was then that I realized that the only thing I had here that I never had in my country was my diagnosis as neurodivergent. I always felt different, I always knew that my differences with others went beyond the differences that are acceptable for society. However, I never had a full understanding of who I was or how and why I worked the way I did.

My journey in this country has been full of learning. I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to prioritize myself and my needs, how to better handle my struggles, and how to enhance my abilities, but most importantly, I learned how to respect my essence. I don’t force myself to do things that harm me anymore. Yes, I challenge myself as a way to keep learning and growing, but I am kind to myself. This is why I can finally say that I am proud of the person I am. Needless to say, I couldn’t have gotten to this point without knowing who I really am. Obviously, I’ve been neurodivergent my whole life but, as I didn’t know it, I was expecting myself to act as if I wasn’t. As a consequence, for years my focus and energy have been put into trying to act “normal” or do what others do, while it should have been put into whatever I was trying to do at the moment. I’m still learning how to change the focus from masking to what really matters, and so far I’ve only seen improvements in my life.

By Yamila García

A few days ago, I was registering for a new service that I wanted to access when something happened that left me wondering. The person who was registering me told me that I must access the website to complete the registration process. He told me the website, and I understood while he was saying it, but as soon as he stopped and I had to enter it on my cellphone, I couldn’t remember it. So I asked him to please repeat it to me, and while he said it, I repeated it in my head. But again, as soon as he finished saying it, I couldn’t manage to write it on my cellphone. I tried one more time, and while he said it, I simultaneously completed the sentence in my head. But once again, it was as if I were looking for something in my memory that I knew was there, and that I repeated 1 second ago, but could not access that space at the moment. The person who was with me at that moment helped me to complete the process because that could have been an endless conversation.

This has happened to me many times. I know that if I give it a minute, maybe I will be able to access it. But at the moment, I end up requiring some assistance. There is somehow a “space” between the moment in which I received information verbally and the moment in which I can use that information. I cannot access it unless I withdraw from the situation and think about it alone, without any social interaction. This happens with lectures at school too, and with regular conversations, although I learned what to say and how to act to pretend I’m following the conversation, so people don’t realize it. So this makes me think about why it is assumed that oral communication is preferred or most effective for everyone. How difficult would it be to have something written with basic instructions such as web pages, phone numbers, addresses, etc.?

Likewise, at school many times those of us who have these auditory processing difficulties find it difficult to take advantage of the lectures. The classrooms are usually very large, there are many background noises and visual stimuli that, in addition to these problems, make it even more difficult for us to concentrate on what we are listening to. However, it would help us a lot to have the recordings of the classes, or the professors’ notes at least to be able to cover what we miss at the moment. That’s why I truly appreciate the professors who see beyond their own reality and provide videos, notes, and more, recognizing that not all of us learn in the same way.